


I Miss You

by Sugarpieme



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cutting, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 05:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4089496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarpieme/pseuds/Sugarpieme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing her brother in the war against Ultron, Wanda loses all will to live, and Clint tries helps her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> As from the tags, this story can be very Triggering. I can only advise to read on with caution. 
> 
> As with everything, I own nothing, only the plot.

I felt it the second he was gone. I felt complete, then the next second, and gaping hole in myself. He was my other half, the ying to my yang, the light to my dark. And I lost him to Ultron. I lost my brother to Ultron. I understand that he was trying to save Clint, but why did he just suddenly leave me. We have been through so much together, the bombings when we were younger, the experiments by Strucker, the war that Tony Stark created.

And now here I am, standing by my brother’s grave, watching him being slowly lowered into the ground. Tony Stark, trying to repent, trying to repay for my loss. Clint, Steve, Bruce, all lowering my Pietro into the ground, Natasha holding me against her as tears run freely down my face. Vision holding my hand, trying to tell me in his own way that I am supported. Pietro was 12 minutes older than me. Now I have out lived him.

I feel completely numb, like my soul had been crushed and roughly taken from me. Here I stand, dressed in black, no emotion, only pain and suffering running through my veins. With a soft thud, my brother laid down for the final time, doomed to never move again.

How I already miss him. His platinum hair, cocky attitude that rivals Starks. He was my support, my rock. He was there, by my side as I struggled through my teenage years, and he now has left me. Stark took him from me. Stark took my strength, my rock, and nothing he says, no amount of money he offers will ever bring back my Pietro. With a supressed sob, I fell to my knees, producing a force wave that made everybody around me fall. I couldn’t hold back my pain, my anger, my horror any longer, and next thing I saw was black.  
~*~  
I woke to find myself in my room in the Avenger’s tower. Stark’s tower. The sleeping form of Natasha slouched in a chair, flowers littering the room. A wave of aggression flowed through my body. How could complete strangers offer their ‘condolences’ to me? How could those who work with that murderer understand my pain? I gathered up all the flowers in my room, throwing them off the balcony in my room. I couldn’t allow for those fake offers to fill my sight.

“Allergy?” Natasha’s soft voice filled the silent air.

“Hatred” I spat, turning to face the assassin. 

“For who?”

“Stark”

“Why?”

“He took my Pietro” I whispered, slightly shaking. I felt Natasha’s lithe hands on my shoulders, softly but firmly turning me.

“Let’s get food. You have been unconscious for several days. JARVIS, make sure Tony doesn’t cross our path”

“Yes Ma’am” JARVIS’ electronic voice responded. Natasha took my hand, taking me to the kitchen. We filled the way with small talk, and I was glad to have another female to talk to. For so long it was just Pietro and myself, and there were some things that you cannot say to your brother. 

As Natasha made me blueberry pancakes, she continue to distract me, which worked perfectly until Stark walked in.

“Natasha, why did you tell JARVIS to stay away to keep me away from he…” Tony stopped mid-sentence, his eyes falling into my own. “Oh” was all he was able to say before I forced him to his knees. 

“You killed him.” Was all I managed to say, rage filling my body. Stark started to open his mouth, but I used my powers to shut his jaw tight. “YOU killed him.”

“Wanda” Clint dropped from the air vent, grabbing my hand firmly, dragging me softly away from Stark’s trembling body. It was very nice seeing Stark tremble before me, scared of my power, but he had seen nothing yet. I saw Bruce and Steve pushing Stark out of the room, Nat and Clint pulling me away from him.

“Let me at him!” I screamed, struggled against the two assassins, feeling Vision’s hands fall on my waist.

“Wanda, come with us.” Vision spoke, piercing through my rage. I felt wetness on my cheek, and I felt my knees give out and blackness taking over my vision.  
~*~  
“Why does the Maximoff girl hate me so much?” Tony questioned Nat as she entered the room, pacing in a line.

“Wanda blames you for Pietro’s death, Tony. No, you shut your mouth. She blames you ‘cause you created Ultron. So you did kill him.” Natasha replied, stopping Tony from interjecting. “Pietro was her only friend and the only surviving member of her family. It was your bombs that bombed Sokovia Tony. Your bombs killed her mother and father, and then you inadvertently killed her brother.” Clint added, leaning against the doorway.

“And not to add that she is looking to blame someone, as she is grieving.” Bruce finished, making a cup of tea.

“So, she is just targeting me” Tony groaned, pouring himself a glass of whiskey.

“Yeah.” Clint, Natasha and Vision replied in unison.

“I will go and watch over her.” Clint pushed off the doorframe, turning out of the room. “And Stark, stay the hell out of her way.”

“Language Hawkbird.” Tony quipped, causing Steve and Bruce to groan.

“I thought that was in the past…” Steve groaned, shaking his head.  
~*~  
Tucking in Wanda, I thought back to what happened through our most recent war. How Wanda became like a daughter to me, how the team discovered Laura and the kids, and how Bruce took a short hiatus from the team. The past month had been bizarre, even more bizarre than the Chitauri invasion. After all, we saw Asgard’s Midgard diplomat been created, and the (failed) experiment from Steve, Tony and Thor putting Mjolnir in an elevator (with Tony is still trying to fix the grounded lift).   
Sliding in the chair that sits in the corner of Wanda’s room, my eyes darted around the room, taking in every detailed. I noted the absence of the flowers and condolence cards, and with a simple groan from her, my head instinctively turned to the new noise. Wanda was tossing and turning, a single word being muttered from her lips over and over. Pietro. Swiftly stalking over to her, I sat on the edge of her bed, calling her name. I placed my hand on her shoulder, and her eyes snapped open, her red magic already forming at her fingers.

“Clint?” Wanda gasped, the magic disappearing. She slowly sat up, and my eyes noticed pink and white horizontal and vertical lines covering her arms where her long sleeves had slid up. 

“Bad dream?” I replied, my eyes flickering up to meet hers. 

“Pietro…” Wanda whispered, tears forming in her eyes. I instinctively pulled her into my arms and chest, and just sat there as she sobbed into my shirt.  
“I was thinking, did you want to train with me tomorrow? I know what you are going through, but if you want to get out and get rid of some of your rage, you are more than welcome to join me. I can even make some Tony shaped targets if you want.” I offered, smiling as she chuckled at the last section, before she went deadly silent.  
“How do you know what I am going through?” Wanda asked, her accent thicker from her tears.

“Long story, but I have lost someone as well. I will explain it later.” I promised, stroking her hair.  
~*~  
Walking into the gym, I instantly saw Bruce stretching through some yoga.

“Hey Clint” Bruce panted, slowly moving into a difficult pose, one that I even struggle with. “What ya got there?”

“Hey Bruce. Training materials. I asked if Wanda wanted to join me, and I offered to create Tony-Targets.” I replied, showing him the cardboard photos of Stark.

“That should be interesting.” Bruce chuckled, slowly standing up. “I better get out of your way then.” I heard the slight creak of the door, slowly turning to see Wanda dressed in some work out clothes. “Hey Wanda” Bruce welcomed her, picking up his yoga mat.

“Bruce” Wanda simply replied, turning to me. “So what are we doing today?”

“Accuracy training, with yours-truly.” Showing Wanda the targets, I smiled as her face lit up for the first time since Pietro’s death. Wanda and I made our way into the shooting range, where I set up the targets. “JARVIS, turn all audio and video into the range please.”

“Yes Sir.” JARVIS replied. I saw Wanda stiffen in the corner of my eye.

“JARVIS, completely off. I do not want anyone being able to track our session, especially Stark.” With JARVIS’ confirmation, we turned to face down-range, and started training.  
~*~  
I woke up screaming my brother’s name again. Sure, training today had been great (isn’t it great to shoot Stark in the face?), but Pietro’s death continued to haunt me. I stumbled into the bathroom, and splashed water on my face. I noticed the lines on my wrist healing, and I fell to my knees, pain ripping through me. How can I continue to live without my other half? My life is just so empty. I can’t feel anything anymore, everything is black and white, and I am just not coping without Pietro.

I pulled out the purse that is hidden in the lower draw, kneeling on the ground. I ceremonially opened the purse, unwrapping the cloth and laying it on the tiles. Pulling out my razors, I laid them on the cloth, each straight and clean. Slowly rolling up my sleeve, I ran my fingers along the red lines against my white skin, breathing deeply as I enjoy the contrast between the contrast and the raised lines that permiated my skins. Picking up my favourite razor, I slowly dragged the sliver of silver against my skin. Watching the red line starting to grow and drip brought peace within me, as my tears mixed with the blood. Images came to me, memories of Pietro and I growing up, then the memory of Pietro’s death came to my mind. The pain that ripped through me, making me fall to my knees and pulverise the Ultron-bots coming towards me.

I pressed the razor harder into my skin, trying to force all the pain out with the red liquid escaping me. Harshly running the blade against my wrist, I let out a massive sob, the pain from my wound overtaking the pain from Pietro’s death. I pulled the blade against my skin again and again, wanting to end my pain and join my Pietro. I watched my blood leave my body and drip onto the tiles as I pulled the blade one more time against my wrist, the deepest cut yet, as I felt my vision starting to go, as I became light-headed.

“Wanda…” Pietro’s voice pierced through my head, as I felt some hands pull the blade from my weak fingers as I fell into the darkness that was dragging me in.  
~*~  
Beep. Beep. Beep.

Why won’t anyone turn off that stupid beeping noise? I slowly opened my eyes, expecting to see my Pietro standing next to me, but I woke to see Clint asleep, dark circles under his eyes as he sat on a chair next to my bed.

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

“C…Clint?” I tried to say, but was met with a tube in my throat. I instinctively started to cough, waking up Clint.

“Shhh Wanda, its ok, let me just get the nurse.” Clint pushed the attention button, stroking my hair as a nurse came in, followed quickly by Bruce. I closed my eyes as Bruce pulled the tube from my throat, causing a coughing attack.

“There you are Wanda. Here, slowly drink this.” Bruce held a cup of water up to my lips, which I slowly drunk. “Do you know where you are?” All I did was glare at the wall opposite the bed, furious at Bruce to be still alive. “Can you understand me?” 

All I did was glare at the wall, ignoring Bruce. Clint slowly stood up, and whispered into Bruce’s ear, which got a nod in reply. “Wanda, I am going to go outside. If you need anything, just push the attention button, and I will be straight in.”

Bruce and the nurse left the room, leaving just Clint and I alone. It was an uncomfortable silence, but I was not going to break it.

“I know what you are going through, as I have been in your exact same position.” Clint finally spoke up, head bowed. “When I was 10, my older brother Barney was killed. I went through the same place as you, and I even tried to kill myself. Almost succeeded as well. I was found with pills and alcohol in my body and a bullet in my chest. Doctors were still amazed that I was still alive. After that, my parents left me at an orphanage. I never forgot about my brother’s killer, and then I started to track him down.

“I also started to cut myself, first my upper thighs, where I almost cut through a nerve, then my wrists, almost killed myself again, from bleeding out. I was 16 then, and I was kicked out from the orphanage. I finally found my brother’s killer, and I stabbed that motherfucking arsehole until he was unrecognizable. I was found by SHIELD, bloody knife still in my hand. Turns out that the bastard I killed was wanted by them. Anyway, SHIELD took me in, and became my new family.  
“So yes Wanda, I know exactly what you are going through. I have been through that very dark spot, and survived.” Clint pulled up his sleeve, exposing white lines that covered his entire forearm that had faded from all his time in the sun. I ran my eyes over the scars, and Clint moved to sit on my bed.

“When I found you Wanda, I was so scared. It brought up so many memories from my past. Your blood was everywhere, you almost bleed to death. We almost lost you. Bruce worked so hard to save you. You have been unconscious for a week now. I only have one question Wanda. Why didn’t you say that you were struggling? I saw the cuts on your wrists, but I assumed that they were old.” I felt a tear fall out of my eye, and Clint wiped it off. 

“I…I wanted to die Clint. I wanted to join my Pietro. Why did you save me?” I whispered, tears falling fast and hard. Clint grabbed my hand, his calloused hand a stark difference to my own.

“Do you know how many of us have been where you are? Myself, Bruce, even Stark have been in this dark place. I just want you to know Wanda that you are supported, and that none of us want you to go. Nat has been so worried about you, Fury had to order her to leave. That was pretty funny to watch.” Clint chuckled, looking into my eyes. “But Wanda, I just want you to know that I am here, and you can rely on me and Nat. Any time you get low, I want you to come to me or her.”

“Ok Clint.” I whispered, closing my eyes. I couldn’t bear to see his face any longer, I felt so ashamed. 

“Wanda, just remember this. We are here for you. No matter what you are feeling, we are all here for you.” Clint whispered.

Oh Pietro, how I miss you. I don’t get to see you today, but I will get to see you again.


End file.
